Source: Cubs have told Marmol he's trade candidate but they won't "give him away." #fujikawa— Gordon Wittenmyer (@GDubCub) December 3, 2012
Braves have told Tommy Hanson he's trade candidate but they won't "trade him to Seattle"
Angels have told Albert Pujols he's first baseman but they won't "bat him eighth"
Yankees have told Alex Rodriguez his contract is expensive boondoggle but they won't "be at all afraid of embarrassing him into retiring"
Royals have told Ned Yost he's manager but they won't "ever give him a team good enough to win"
MLB has told Jose Canseco he's never playing in the majors again but they won't "... no, just no"
Lakers have told Kobe Bryant he's on team for life but they won't "ever win a championship again"
NFL has told players they want 18-game season but they won't "do anything about their head injuries"
RNC has told Mitt Romney he's not President but they won't "ever nominate him for anything ever again"
Bill has told the Common Man he's terrible human but he won't "stop tweeting mean things about you"
Jason has told cats they poop too much but he won't "get mad at them because they're just too cute"