The Crimes of Jon Heyman
If you know anything about The Common Man, you know that he likes to suspect people of things without evidence. Earlier today, the execrable Jon Heyman, who we’ve lambasted in these parts before, essentially called Andy Pettitte a perjurer, despite ample evidence that Pettitte is not guilty of perjury.
So, The Common Man felt it was important to find things to suspect Jon Heyman of, despite the fact that evidence may or may not exist to definitively prove he was not involved. But The Common Man could not do it alone, and so he created a hashtag on Twitter, #CrimesOfJonHeyman and invited you to contribute your ideas. You can check The Common Man’s Twitter feed to see his contributions specifically, but here are the best of what you suspect Jon Heyman of:
He green-lighted "Whitney". #CrimesOfJonHeyman
— Kevin Brotzman (@brotz13) May 7, 2012
Surely, there’s no greater crime.
I gave him a plate of corn muffins back in 1947 to paint my chicken coop and he never did it. #CrimesofJonHeyman
— The Org Guy (@The_Org_Guy) May 7, 2012
Give me my blintzes!
Keeps Brandon Belt on the bench. #CrimesOfJonHeyman
— Sean McNally (@SeanMMcNally) May 7, 2012
Free Brandon Belt!
Jon Heyman burned down the banana stand. #CrimesOfJonHeyman
— B.H.Bavalia (@bhavinforapples) May 7, 2012
There was always money in the banana stand!
Convinced George Lucas Greedo should shoot first #CrimesofJonHeyman
— Alex Poterack (@WhatsaTararrel) May 7, 2012
Destroying the core of what made Han so great.
He talked about Fight Club #CrimesOfJonHeyman
— Steven McEwen (@SMcEwen_eh) May 7, 2012
Cut his balls off. Sorry, it's in the rules.
@commnman Is the true identity of Sarah Phillips #CrimesOfJonHeyman
— Stratty (@stratty) May 7, 2012
The Common Man knew it all along!
@commnman Heyman turned my water pink. #crimesofjonheyman minnesota.cbslocal.com/2012/05/07/pin…
— Kirsten Brown (@kbrobaseball) May 7, 2012
That’s gross Jon Heyman!
All of us are guilty of that one at one point or another RT @metsgrrl Changed "deuce" to "douche" in Blinded By The Light #CrimesOfJonHeyman
— The Common Man (@commnman) May 7, 2012
To be fair, we’ve all been guilty of that one at one point or another.
Jon Heyman falsely accused Goody Proctor of speaking with the devil #CrimesOfJonHeyman @commnman
— J-Doug (@RationalPastime) May 7, 2012
Jon Heyman loves a good witchhunt of any kind. He’s prestigious old school.
Nickelback.#CrimesOfJonHeyman
— Sean McNally (@SeanMMcNally) May 7, 2012
There were, like, 14 Nickelbacks. This was the first.
@commnman Rebroadcast and retransmitted an account of a game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball #CrimesOfJonHeyman
— Nathan Aderhold (@AdrastusPerkins) May 7, 2012
He’s probably behind the blackout rules too.
Cut Bryce Harper's hair. #CrimesOfJonHeyman
— Tom Edwards (@MrWorkrate) May 7, 2012
And bad taste on top of everything!
And let video take the fall. RT @commnman: Jon Heyman killed the radio star. #CrimesOfJonHeyman
— Matthew Ross (@TheMattRoss) May 7, 2012
OK, that’s partly TCM’s, but he really likes that one. And finally, from our old buddy Bill:
Held a bat the way he is in that picture #CrimesofJonHeyman
— Bill (@Bill_TPA) May 7, 2012
Check out our the Hashtag for more excellent ideas for things we can suspect Jon Heyman of, and by all means, contribute to the cause. It's not like he doesn't deserve it, if it's good enough for Andy Pettitte.
